Winter of Sorrow
by Burden
Summary: You freed me from this one hell, took me in even when you knew I'd step on the peices of your heart from before... You don't know how much that meant. - CloudXKadaj , Kadaj/Cloud -
1. Deep in the Evening

ANOTHER ONE. AAH. CLOUDS POV. AAHHHH.

-is writing this and watching Advent Children at the same time-

Sqee! I'm now officially a Kadaj fangirl. –Heart- I could watch him give that sexy speech to them kids over and over again…-faints-

AHEM. ANYWAY.

Another KadajXCloud story. With…8 times the ANGST!

XD Not in this chapter, necessarily, but it will get very angsty.

Enjoy, and don't forget to review!

o0o0o0o

I never wanted to be in love.

It always seemed like an extra burden to carry, the knowledge of letting someone bear your heart, able to bend and break it at will. I learned the hard way that love only leads to agony.

I remember when I first met Zack. He changed my life. He was a friend, someone I could count on. But over time, he became more than that. I learned of the love beyond friendship, all thanks to him. Zack was my literal savior, an angel flown into my life. I felt I didn't deserve him, sometimes. But he was always there, whether he wanted to or not.

But then…

He was ripped away from me. My heart shattered, and I vowed I would never love anyone as much as I did Zack. It would only end up worse than before, and I'd have to pick up even more pieces than before.

I didn't realize how easily a vow to yourself could be broken.

It was a cold day, in the middle of December. I sat in the old church, in the midst of my personal field of yellow and white lilies, neither they nor I minding the nipping cold of the windless day.

You glided in, almost silently, and I wouldn't have noticed you if I wasn't facing the church door. You cast away the shocked look on my face and stopped just short of a frost covered lily, feral eyes boring into mine.

"_Niisan." _You almost whispered, your voice wavering slightly.

"K-Kadaj…?"Was all I could manage in your presence.

You reached behind you and began to unsheathe your blade, a strange look in your visible eye. Your animalistic pupils seemed even more razor sharp, the swirling greens hazed over into one solid colour. It made you look almost… _hypnotized._

"_She told me to come. She told me to finish what __he__ left." _You hissed at me, your blade fully drawn.

"She said it would make her extremely happy," You pointed your sword at me.

"_If you were gone."_

I stood up, reaching for my sword; I cursed fate for letting me leave it on Fenrir.

But I had no need for a sword at that moment; you dropped your own, screaming and clutching your head in pain, your knees buckling. I did the only thing that would register in my mind: I rushed to catch your falling body.

"Kadaj!' You writhed in pain in my arms; I could only wonder what was going on in your head at the time.

Platinum hair was strewn all around your pained face, and I could only watch in horror.

"No, Okaasan! Anyone but him! Please!"

My eyes widened in shock at his sudden words. He was still shaking and writhing, fighting some inner conflict I couldn't help him with, no matter how much I wanted to.

"_Okaasan, please! I-I'm- Augh!" _He shrieked, gloved hands clawing at the edges of his eyes.

Then I finally realized. It was Jenova that doing this to him. She was in his head, commanding him to do something, and he was fighting her. The reason, I knew not, but he wasn't giving in to Jenova, finally. For that, at least, I was relieved.

Until I looked back to his twisted face. My eyes widened in shock as his own eyes shot open, revealing a whole new, terribly familiar face.

For the splittest of seconds, Kadaj's face resembled _his_, the nightmare's. He was grinning, malice stitched into every fibre of his face.

And then he was gone, leaving me with an even worse sight.

"Okaasan…! He-" Kadaj's eyes opened dangerously wide, his mouth cracked open. His entire body suddenly froze, eyes filled to the brim with something close to fear. I could only stare down at him worriedly, until upon his face donned a sickly grey colour. His silvery hair slowly turned the same tint, turning into smoke with the change in color. The same happened to his face, and soon, maybe, his entire body. Absolute horror etched into my face, I did the only thing I could.

"K-Kadaj!!"

The smoke immediately returned to his body, turning him whole once again. He suddenly sprang back to life, coughing and gasping for breath.

"Kadaj?"

He whipped his head over to me, eyes wide.

"N-niisan?"

I nodded, swallowing the fear I had had for him.

"Why am I…? Ah!" He froze, memories of the battle fought in his head all coming back to him.

"O-Okaasan…"

"Kadaj. Are you okay?" I asked, trying to keep Jenova out of his mind.

He shook his head, cupping his face in his hands.

"Why did Okaasan…want me to-?"

I frowned, picking Kadaj up bridal-style briefly and setting him down on his own feet. He looked up at me, childish curiosity furrowing his eyebrows.

"Why'd you…?"

"You need to learn to stand on your own two feet," I mumbled, hoping he got the literal and metaphorical meaning of what I said. He leaned on Jenova for guidance; I think you need to learn to think for yourself.

But he just frowned, stomping his foot down onto a white lily.

"I can stand just fine, Niisan."

"Stop calling me that."

"Eh? Why?" He raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Because I'm not your brother," I laid a hand on his shoulder, looking into his feral eyes and wondering what was possessing me to say all of these things.

"And Jenova isn't your mother."

His eyes widened, his body tensing but not moving from under my hand. He shook his head, platinum hair wildly flying around his face.

"S-stop saying that."

True, I've tried to get that simple fact through his head many times before, but he always stuck firm to his beliefs. Jenova had a firm grip on him; I felt the need to unhinge her claws and free him.

"Kadaj, listen to me. What just happened is all 'Mother's' fault. You're just her puppet to bring him back, nothing more to her. Definitely not a son,"

I paused, letting him take that in before continuing.

"She's using you, using love as an excuse to command you. You don't have to listen to her, Kadaj,"

He looked at me with tear filled eyes, his head shaking back and forth slightly.

"You don't need her to be loved, to be cared for…"

I stopped for a moment.

"Call her what she really is."

"I-"

"Call her by her real name, Kadaj."

You swallowed, closing your eyes and turning your head away from my gaze.

"She's…Jen-Jenov..a…"

"What else…?"

"The…Calamity from the Skies…Jenova." You immediately tensed and clenched your teeth, probably expecting Jenova to punish you. When nothing happened, you relaxed, opening your eyes and smiling weakly at me.

I smiled. "See? She can't bother you if you know what she really is."

He nodded, looking down at his feet, shifting nervously.

"…Nii- um, Cloud?"

"Hm?"

His answer was hesitant. "…Why did you help me? Y'know, with…J-Jenova."

I frowned. Why did I? Because I cared about you. More than you knew. Your face, your body, your personality, your you, I didn't want Jenova to make you into _him. _Because I think I can consider you a friend, and you I.

"…Because I don't want her to hurt you." I mumbled, looking away.

I felt your hand on my shoulder, but didn't look back at you.

"Thank you, Cloud."

I finally turned back to watch you walk away, and immediately regretted it.

You took on the appearance of a black-haired SOILDER, buster sword easily matching your height, if not higher, confidently walking out the church doors without another glance my way.

And as you slipped out the doors, you were you again, a silver haired youth, someone I considered a friend.

But maybe, is history repeating itself? I can't help but feel deep in my heart that I could lose you…

And that I could be falling in love with you.

xXxXxXxXxX

Yay? Nay? ANGST!?! =P Tell me watcha think!

Review, please! I put a lot of effort into this, even though it might not show!

OOH. I have a question. Does anyone else think Kadaj's sexeh Japanese voice sounds like Atsuma's sexeh Japanese voice? Y'know, Atsuma from Enchanted Arms? Anyone? PLEASE?! It's bugging the hell out of me, but I'm too lazy to look up their voice actors!

**HALP. **

Oh, and the next chapter will be out soooon, since I, for like, the first time, am proud of a story. =3

Review, please!!

_**PS. If you're wondering what Cloud and Kadaj's relationship before this happened, I guess you can say they're kind of friends…sorry for not making that clear. T.T Don't hates me, crazy people who care about that. X3**_


	2. Saved By Your Silence

Winter of Sorrow Chapter Two

A/N: Kadaj's PoV, I think so! I'll be switching around perspectives a lot, FYI…

Umm…I really have nothing to say about this. Except that I wrote this chapter originally during school hours, so it won't be that amazing. I do my best work in the dark, all alone…=.=

Anyway, here's chapter 2. Enjoy, and don't forget to Review! Even if you hated it! =D

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

I woke up covered in cold sweat, my entire body rigid with fear. She came, Mo- Jenova came in my dream, threatening to do it again…

That thought quickly evaporated, and the only thing in my mind was to go back and see you again, Niisan. You always seemed to know how to handle things like this, especially when you're feeling talkative. I quickly dressed, hopped on Loz's motorbike, and headed off to the only place I knew where to find you.

Bursting through the doors, a little more harshly than necessary, I scanned for you frantically, searching for a sleeping lump anywhere in the church.

I couldn't find you among the broken pews, or anywhere in my limited vision.

"N-Niisan?" I scared myself with the sound of my voice; it wavered, threatening to break if I attempted to speak once more.

But I had too, since you didn't answer last time.

"Niisan!" My voice snapped right in the middle, but I was rewarded with shifting and mumbling anyway.

"Wha- Kadaj?"

I nodded, even though you couldn't see it. Walking down the narrow, debris filled isle way to the best of my ability. I looked around for where your voice came from, but couldn't find you. I held my breath and tears back and attempted speech again.

"N-Niisan, where are y-you…?" Ha. I sounded like a small child, the church constantly reminded me with its incessant echoes. Pathetic, coming here because I had a nightmare…

"…Are you okay?"

Your dark form rose from near your strange flower patch. You stepped into the pillar of glittering moonlight shining down on the frost nipped lilies, and a sudden jubilation filled my chest at the sight of you.

But the feeling suddenly vanished as my nightmare snuck back into my head, tears finally finding their way out of my ducts. I couldn't even make it to your side before I collapsed into tears like a pitiable child.

Your hands were suddenly on my shoulders, easing the nightmare's effects somewhat, and your strange new smell a gentle, welcome perfume.

"Kadaj, what happened?"

You sounded calm and collected, as usual. But more concerned…about me, I was hoping.

I eagerly burst, telling you everything that happened in my mind those hours of darkness.

It was white. Everything, blindingly white. At first, I was alone, simply waiting for something to happen.

_And soon a woman appeared. Whether it was her true self or no, I'm not sure, but she was dazzlingly beautiful. But her eyes blazed with cold fury, every ounce of it directed at me._

"_Kadaj." She hissed in a voice like crystal bells soaked in poison._

"_Why have you not done what I asked?"_

_I felt my legs back away from here in fear, but I remained silent._

"_He's blocking something inside of you…"_

_She was in front of me in an instant, a hand over my speeding heart._

"_You're in love with him,"_

"_Get away from me." I finally snapped at her, swatting her hand away like an annoying fly. Her face never changed, but rage seethed deep in her eyes._

"_Do not talk to you Mother-"_

"_You're not my Mother…!" I yelled at her, my body shaking with fear and the unknown force pulling words from my mouth._

"_Niisan-Cloud told me what you really are!"_

_Her flawless face seemed to tense at Cloud's name._

"_You would believe that traitor over me?"_

_I nodded furiously, strange words pouring from my lips._

"_Yes, because he's real, I-I think I can trust him. He showed me-told me that I don't need to earn your love. I'm not your puppet anymore. He told me what you really are, Jenova!"_

"And then there was this terrible scream and I woke up as she was about to kill me…" I swallowed, my body shaking with cold under your hands. I looked up at you. You were silent, looking at the floor beneath us.

And suddenly, you had your arms around me, marvelous warmth shielding me from the winter cold.

I held on to the arm across my chest, savoring the feeling of your muscles, the scent of your clothes, holding in all of the essence of you I could.

You didn't talk, you just held me for who knows how long, and I loved every minute of it. I didn't know why you were doing it, nor did I care, you were just there, and that's all I cared about.

I don't know why, but at that moment, I felt like everything was going to be okay. She wouldn't bother me-us, anymore.

And for that, I was happy.

XXxXxXxXx

A shorter chapter.

Do you like Kadaj PoV better or Cloud PoV better? Just curious.

I wonder how long this story is going to end up being…

-ahem-

Hope you liked, don't forget to review!! –Hearts-


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